Facebook Stalking

Facebook stalking is a phrase that has planted itself firmly in the vocabulary of the ‘social network generation’.

For those not in the know, it’s pretty self-explanatory: logging onto Facebook turns into three hours of looking at people from your past who you hated, and then secretly gloating because your life has turned out (marginally) better than theirs.

A friend request or a new photo album appearing on your mini-feed means kissing goodbye to the next couple of hours, because it will be spent looking at pictures of a friend’s friend’s album dedicated to their new kitten.

It’s only natural to look at your friend’s new photo album, even when you know that depression will set in by photo 117 of your friend having a great time with attractive people, while you’re sat in your dressing gown, crying into your Fruit Corner.

Often you will see a friend’s status update, whether it be a funny story, joke or picture from somewhere they’ve been out. Then the next time you talk to them, they’ll tell you the same story, and the whole time you’ll be thinking: “Yes, I know all about it, I saw on your Facebook, but I have to pretend that it’s new to me and laugh along.”

These days if you get someone’s phone number, you might as well ask for their surname or e-mail address, as you know if you don’t; you’ll spend the early hours of the night searching through the millions of people that share their first name.

If people put up reams of photos of themselves, then it’s pretty much their fault that you’re stalking them. It’s like they’re willing you to do it. Of course that sounds like the court defence of a nutcase, but Facebook stalking is a lot more harmless than sitting in the tree opposite their house with binoculars, and everyone does it.

Facebook stalking: You will do it, because you can’t help it.

Posted in The Meehan by The Meehan